Thursday, February 3

Newly identified communicable disease

Gonorrhea Lectim

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a warning about a
new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease
is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease
is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced ?gonna reelect him?).

Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the
past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect
themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim
include, but are not limited to:
  • Anti-social personality disorder traits
  • Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor
  • Chronic mangling of the English language
  • Extreme cognitive dissonance
  • Inability to incorporate new information
  • Pronounced xenophobia
  • Inability to accept responsibility for actions
  • Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado
  • Uncontrolled primate style facial smirking
  • Ignorance of geography and history
  • Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies
  • A strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists
are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only
a few years ago in a Texas Bush.

You have been warned; take precautions!
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