Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast States.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody - especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about the idea, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 PM EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their own states by then. God agrees we should have Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. Of course, that means we're getting San Diego too (sorry, that's just how it goes). But God is letting you keep the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're...