Monday, April 3

Dear loyal Grimey's customers and supporters

PLEASE READ...this is so important to us.

Dear loyal Grimey's customers and supporters,

Unfortunately, we have experienced a significant increase in theft recently. That totally sucks. We want more than anything to trust our customers and make your shopping experience as pleasant as possible. If we approach you more often to ask if you need help, please don't take offense. We are just trying to increase our presence in the store and prevent would-be thieves from feeling anonymous. That's what emboldens them to rip us off – when they think we don't even notice them.

We would like to make an offer to our trusted customers to enlist you in helping us curb this problem – IF YOU SEE ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO STEAL OR CONCEAL MERCHANDISE AND YOU GIVE US A TIP THAT LEADS TO US CATCHING THE THIEF, WE WILL REWARD YOU WITH A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE! We will be discreet and will make sure you are not involved or pointed out to the thief. All we ask is that if you see suspicious activity, please bring it to the attention of a Grimey's staffer and we'll take it from there. If we catch a shoplifter from your tip, you get $25 worth of free merchandise.

If you are one of the thieving bastards reading this, be sure WE WILL PROSECUTE YOU TO THE FULLEST EXTENT ALLOWABLE BY LAW. We have lawyers and our staff has years and years of experience testifying in shoplifting cases and we will not back down – NO EXCEPTIONS. In addition to the prosecution, you will be banned for life from Grimey's.

Thanks for your attention and believe us, WE LOVE OUR LOYAL CUSTOMERS! We appreciate you.
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