Wednesday, September 14

Birthdays are the loneliest days

Today was my birthday. I turned 38. I was at home alone until about 7pm when I went to the Y, then I was alone in public. As I think about it was pretty depressing.

Tara was busy, I don't have any current coworkers. There were some calls which I am grateful for but this is the life I have chosen.

Tara and I had a discussion about church a few weeks ago and she realized how much of a loner I actually am. We had this discussion about the fact that one day, when we have kids I will have to go to church - most likely to her church b/c I would be very surprised if she left Edgehill for any reason. The problem is I really don't like her church. The people are great, very friendly and seemingly quite interested in each other (and now that I am married to one of them, I am one of them) but they just don't do church like I want my church. I have problems with the gender neutral language, I have problems with giving communion to the parishioner on my left or right and I don't want to wear a nametag.

What's going on is Tara likes being a part of the community of her church; she participates in everything. She was recently appointed or elected President of the Women's Group. I like that one hour a week where I am focused on what "God's" place in my life is all about. I like the pomp and circumstance. Hell, I liked the Altar Rail.

I haven't been to church in such a long time that it seems odd to even consider this stuff but back to my original point. All churches are communities and Tara's church requires a much higher level of individual participation than I'm used to or really want. I told her I want the option of being anonymous and her church doesn't really offer that option.

During this conversation she, quite exasperated and even a little shocked, said something about how I'd be happy with one friend and that would be my wife and I said yes, yes I would.

Today it was hard to find that one friend.
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